There came a point in my college life where I wanted to put myself out there, to meet others, get myself known. My first attempt was to attend a meeting of the Asian Culture Club, one of the most popular, most attended, and most bustling clubs on campus. I thought that the best way to increase my odds was to put myself in front of as many people as possible.

Entering the lecture hall, I saw a vast sea of heads. The tables and chairs were pushed up against the wall to make room for as many people as possible. I heard laughter and banter coming from every direction. Having came by myself and being an awkward teen, I had no clue how to join the crowd. Instead, I stood alone in the middle of the room, smiling at anyone and everyone. The night would've been a complete disaster, had he not approached me.

He exuded a carefree confidence. He walked completely assured of his direction, no hesitation or urgency in his step. Yet, his gaze was unfocused, moving around the room, as if searching for something. His feet knew where he was going, but his face was indifferent. He was the kind of guy I'd always wanted to be like.

He stops a few steps away from me. He sizes me up, then says, "'Sup. Name's Alex." After an awkward pause, I realized he expected me to respond. "Uhhhhhh, my name is Mark." Alex nods in acknowledgement. "What brings you here?" "I, uh, you know, want to, like, meet some people. Put myself out there, and stuff." Alex raised his hand slightly, signaling that I'd said enough. "Aight. Say no more."

He looked off into the sea of heads and gestured 'over here' to some people in the distance. "Yo, Anthony, Ashley, get over here." Two faces emerged from the sea and greeted Alex. Turning to me, Alex said, "I want you two to meet Mark." I waved at them excitedly, my hand jolting back and forth in the air. "So," Alex interrupted, "you gonna introduce yourself?" Startled, I responded, "Oh right, my name is Mark. I'm a computer science major. I came from New Jersey. It's nice to meet you two."

Ashley and Anthony responded with where they came from and their majors. After talking a bit about their class schedules, they went away to talk to some other people. While they seemed satisfied with our chat, I felt like we just got started. "That was it?" I said to Alex, expecting to get more time. "Yeah dude, don't worry about it. You got more people to meet." Turning once more into the sea, Alex called over two named Jordan and George. Wanting to get started right away, I jumped straight to, "Hey Jordan and George. My name is Mark. I'm a computer science major. I came from New Jersey. It's nice to meet you two."

I didn't have more luck with George or Jordan. Nor did I have luck with the two after George and Jordan, or the two after those, or for the rest of the night. I must have met at least 20 people that night, and spent hours with Alex.

On the one hand, mission accomplished! I got to meet people, just like I said I wanted. Although, on the other, I felt disappointed. I wasn't fulfilled by any of the interactions I had throughout the night. I didn't know it then, but I was missing a key ingredient to having a successful communication. Until, I learned what it was.

The next day, I was going through the campus park when I noticed someone odd sitting on a bench. We were the only two people in the area, but anyone passing by would've noticed him. He was tapping his foot incessantly. He was fidgeting with his hands. He was turning his head around hurriedly, as if expecting someone to show up any minute. This man was troubled.

Upon looking closer, it turned out that this person was Alex from the previous night. Out of concern for my new friend, I approached. I greeted him with, "Hey Alex!" It took him a few seconds to register that I had talked to him. He turned briefly at me, "Oh, hey Mark," before returning to his fidgeting. "You mind if I sit next to you?" I asked. Alex responded, "Sure, sure," patting the area next to him without looking at me.

Once I sat down, I began talking. "Hey, you doing alright? You look a bit out of it right now." He quickly looked at our surroundings, making sure that there wasn't anyone else around. Once he saw that it was just the two of us, he opened up. "Yeah I'm fine, I'm fine. Just," he glanced away, "got a date in a little bit. Kinda nervous." I was immediately intrigued. "Ohhhhh, a date, huh? Tell me more."

He told me about where his first encounter with his date, how they hit it off and agreed to meet this day. He told me how this was the first date he's been on in a while, so he was afraid of screwing it up. I listened to all he had to say, giving him the space. I responded with some advice, some of my own stories, but didn't push too hard. I was as calm and supportive as I could be.

After we talked for a few minutes, his fidgeting had stopped. He took a deep breath, turned to me, and said, "Thanks for being here man. I feel a lot calmer now." I waved him off, "Don't worry about it, any time."

Alex tilted his head, inquisitively. "Say, you know, you're a different type of guy than I thought you were." I was dumbfounded. "Huh? What do you mean?" I wasn't trying to act any different than I was yesterday. Alex clarified, "I got a different impression of you last night. Yesterday, I thought you were a lame kid with a good heart. Now, you're actually pretty cool. You're a different dude now than you were then."

Long after we parted ways, I thought about what he said. From my perspective, at both the Asian Culture Club and on the bench, I was merely being myself. The difference was in the environment.

The Asian Culture Club was fast-paced. You had to keep up, or get left behind. I was talking to person after person after person. With so little time to speak, I consolidated my personality and my ideas into a thiry second elevator pitch. No matter how many times I performed my little speech that night, the format never clicked with me, and I couldn't make any connections.

Sitting on the bench with Alex was relaxed. It was just the two of us, not needing to worry about any other people around us. Alex could speak his mind as little or as much as he wanted. Likewise, I could share my thoughts freely. In that half an hour, with just the two of us, shooting the breeze, listening to each other, we got to really see each other.

That's how I knew my communication style was supportive. My best communication style is to give both sides the space to speak, and the encouragement to be honest.